Welcome, Friend: An Introduction

An honest introduction with birthday reflections

I’m usually happy to fly under the radar. It’s a lot harder to get shot down that way, after all. I guess it also makes it easier to feel alone. Publishing my poetry has been an exercise in facing this fear. Though it is still possible to hide behind the ambiguity of a metaphor or anonymity of a poem.

Also, there’s no requirement for having a life visible to the public. It’s a strange new reality of modernity. Andy Warhol was almost right about everyone being famous for 15 minutes. Though, I think we’re trying to live 24/7 famous. I don’t think we’ve considered the fact that this is a new and unnecessary pressure. Twentieth century farmers were thinking about working the land and feeding their families, not maintaining their online #cottagecore persona with Amazon affiliate links.

I’ve spent my life thriving at being the guy behind the scenes. It’s my preference. I figure, there are enough charismatic leaders out there already. (Just check social media!) That being said, I’m a man who loves words and sees the enduring power of words. I hope to write good words. Those words should probably be at least somewhat public.

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I’m also a man who turns 40 this month. It has me feeling reflective. Since I’ve already had one or two mid-life crises over the past five years, maybe there’s some new steady course around the corner?

It sure doesn’t seem like it, does it? When we look at the state of our world, it feels like this old rollercoaster is starting its final descent. WWIII is raging quietly, AI is taking over, the economy is bad, politics are entertainment, the climate is changing, etc. I’m not sure if it’s comforting, but history is filled with accounts of the feeling that the end is near. I have more to say on that at another time.

Back to me now. (How modern?) Here’s the basic bio: I’m a husband who loves his wife of 16 years and our four amazing children. I design digital products and study theology and classics. I’m in a constant game of tug-of-war between modernity and antiquity. I’ve been writing poetry for the past seven years. I’ve found that poetry helps. We go through hard things during this short time on earth. I’m a better listener than I am a talker. I’d rather be asking, “how are you doing?”

Fatherhood has been a central theme in my life. This is due to my lack of a clear understanding of what it is. It’s also due to the fact that I am in a tireless struggle to be a good dad. I’ve fought a lot of demons over this one, and I won’t bother you through that journey now.

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I will say, I grew up without a lot of clear direction. My goodness, I made a lot of mistakes. I thought, for some reason, that if I was to give my kids a lot of direction that their paths would be straight and relatively easy. A few bumps on the road, of course. I’m learning that this was part of my own Romantic idealism. Sorry, kids.

Direction is important though. At 19, I found that the only direction I can trust is God’s. (You had a reaction when you read that, stick with me just a little longer.) It’s not that the Bible is a mere map or rulebook for life, though surely it is in many ways. It’s that it tells us about God. His way of creating, loving, thinking, redeeming, and transcending. His grace, mercy, love, justice, and salvation.

I was a boy looking for a Father, and now I have one who will never leave me nor forsake me. It’s easy to see that as some sentimental religious talk. But to taste and see it leaves you completely different. He’s the answer to the void that I couldn’t fill with hedonism. The void that I couldn’t fill with humanism. More than that, he’s the God who is there and is not silent (in the words of Francis Schaeffer).

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In short, I’m a work in progress and that’s a good place to end this. I have a lot more that I’d like to write about.

Since I’m being honest, I do still wonder if I should keep writing.