I’m broken, and
I don’t see how I can
Pick up all these pieces.
I’m much better at
Distracting myself
With brevity, gluttony,
And vanity—
The trivium of our
modernity.
I long to be whole; still,
I don’t see how I can
Pick up the pieces.
But I see it all better
When my knees find
the same footing
as my tears.
...
It has been a hard season of life and sometimes we’re not okay. Yet, there’s an immense pressure to look like we are (even if this is sometimes self-imposed). Our not-okayness can be very uncomfortable, after all. As a natural people pleaser, I often force a smile through my soul’s gritted teeth. Or let my social media post of happy pictures portray a brighter version of the story.
It’s easier to reach for my phone than to struggle. A quick scroll can sometimes give me enough of a dopamine hit to pacify my soul’s real aching. It reminds me of Huxley’s Brave New World. In this dystopian story, when people would experience suffering or consider uncomfortable realities, they would take a drug called soma. Something troubling you? “What you need is a gramme of soma.” This drug would put people to their “rightful,” pleasant state. At least temporarily, for in reality the way through the valley of death is not the way of distraction.
The Psalms in particular give us language for our not-okayness. Psalm 23:3 says that God “restores my soul.” This implies that there are times when souls need restoring. An okay-soul doesn’t need to be restored but mine surely does at times. In Psalm 51:12 we read a plea for God to, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation.” I’ve not lost my God-given gift of salvation, but I’ve certainly lost the joy of it. (Can you think of the last time you heard this preached?) Praise God that the Scriptures aren’t silent to our brokenness. I don’t need to be distracted, I need to be restored. I need resurrection.
God, rather than idols (digital or otherwise), is where we find paths of life (Psalm 16:11) and it is in that place where, even through the valley of the shadow of death, he is with us. We’ll never get a vision correction by distraction or putting on airs. But on our knees, we just might see more clearly. And now, I’m loosening my jaw to say, “I’m broken. Lord, Restore my soul.”
...
Photo by Sonia Sanmartin on Unsplash